I know very well the past may not come out as something flattering... at the same time...
http://truemoons-wierdface.blogspot.com
Is my old blog. Everything from my old deviant art account to my old YouTube account is on that.
Please keep in mind. I felt so crazy I was literally looking for it too... felt crazy. Was looking for it.
I didn't find it.
I couldn't find a problem that doesn't exist.
I have since learned many things about what they are supposed to do and haven't done.
I used to keep a video blog and all that... I took down videos my lawyer told me to because they documented abuse inflicted while not in my care. I now know the laws cuz I have been studying.
I have dwindled my goals in life to something rather simple.
Be my children's mother, one day I will be a lawyer, already an artist and always will be, sing, dance, live, love, and one day also I will start that little holistic shop.
Everyday people grow and change... but I have been sane this entire time.
Doesn't matter.
I have learned some nifty things.
For instance, they broke a lot of rules. I also learned, people look at you as bad before they think if your speaking up.
I know however that sooner or later the truth comes out, which is why i wrote that blog in the first place.
Had some phone issues... parent aid was always saying she called me and I called her and it didn't show up on her missed calls at all. No idea what was going on their so in that post... I am not nuts. lol
I didn't know what I was allowed or not allowed to post.
I do now.
So long as it doesn't give up names, locations, or otherwise jeopardize the safety of anyone, I can basically say anything I want. Period. Telling me speaking up was a stupid thing for my old lawyer to tell me, especially since I don't handle silence or being silenced well at all.
http://auroralalune.deviantart.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/AuroraLalune?feature=mhee
My YouTube Channel as of current. My old gmail got hacked and I left everything behind. My old deviant page and my old YouTube can be found through my old blog at the top. I often linked them.
http://avoidingabuse.blogspot.com/
The last one is a blog that has only got 3 entries. It does however, say a lot in those. I made it to hopefully help others. I will go back to it later and do more in detail. However it is about abuse and avoiding it and getting out if your in it.
I know many things I did not know then.
This entire situation is insane.
I also just learned that since an Ombudsman is finally listening to me and working with me the family advocacy office won't touch me. Wonderful. -sarcasm.
I got the number for the district people and called them... hey. If calling supervisors and program managers doesn't work and Ombudsman don't scar am and Lawyers are slow as molasses and more interested in covering their ass and not pissing off the judge...
Hell. I admit it. I went and got the number for the judicial commission. She has a total lack of impartiality too many times and I will do whatever it takes and take down whoever I have to for my kids.
It has made me question my status as a wiccan.
Yet I still am.
I have been kept up to date and informed on nothing. I learn it all when I walk into that court room.
I have received no help accept transport and supervision for the kids and am left to find my own resources for anything else. I have found this is not what is supposed to be. Especially as they are claiming I am crazy and lack understanding.
I will be blunt.
Few things in life are more horrifying than saying one thing and having another written. Few things are as horrifying as having someone write whatever they want about you and not even having to back it up in court for the judge to say the court finds it enough. They did no services. Their was nothing. It was just "your crazy. you think your cat is a person, we are taking your kids." Threats to sign paperwork... the works.
My old lawyer stood up in court as well as the guardian at litem and testified I hadn't been threatened after i told them I had. I was being threatened, with my children's safety and well-being, with not being able to see them. That was the beginning of the case.
I posted for one reason.
Because whats on the internet is never truly lost even if you delete it.
Someday... someone will listen and things will change.
Purhaps my old blog will help someone else say "see, this has happened before" and anothers voice will not be silenced.
Either way, If I go down, they go with me.
I am not going to shoot them up to resort to violence...
Because what I seek is to cease them from harming me or others. What I do will have a much more lasting effect. It may not take at first but... I am well aware of the hows and how to respond. i am also well aware of many things regarding such. I am aware that sooner or later people will see it and listen.
My financial situation is still dire but I have everything I need even if I do need help sometimes. I am very grateful for those who help and... can't say thankyou enough as a matter of fact.
I have been left alone to handle this too many times.
I have PTSD.
"I don't think my cat is a person. I don't have 24 personalities. I don't have psychosis and my doctor knows that too!"
"We are not saying you have Psychosis! We are saying you need help for your dillusions."
Let me clarify how stupid that bitch was.
That was an actual conversation in the beginning.
For those of you who don't know- Psychosis is literally dillusions, multiple personalities, altered thoughts, altered reality though dillusions, etc etc.... Basically it defines you as psychotic in some way shape or form.
I have PTSD.
The spectrum of my symptoms doesn't even touch Psychosis accept that I must remember a time a little girl who wasn't crazy was put on so many medications she was made such. Thats what I CAN remember. The sane mind isn't meant to comprehend the insane.
Its like reliving my past all over again.
I say one thing, another is written. I say I am not crazy and nobody freaking listens!
Now I finally am beginning to get some listening... but... this is successfully a traumatic and horrifying experience and unfortunately. It isn't over yet.
They still refuse to get back to me, resources... no help i ask for is given...
And when I insisted on paperwork my Lawyer stopped talking to me.
I only really post openly on the internet when i don't feel like I am being heard. Because my PTSD is partially connected to not being heard. its either go into x amount of flashbacks and feelings connected to the past and start crying all useless puddle of emotional mush... or do something about it.
I choose do something about it and if anyone else reads and doesn't like it... look into it. I guarantee you won't like what you see but at least you will know what you are seeing and won't sound like a dumbass saying you don't like it and why. Cuz their are those who will stand up and either let you sound like a moron until someone tells you or they will tell you and make you feel worse. Look into it first.
I am only now getting listened to at all.
-Luna
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PS: The past doesn't scare me. I face it every day. Its the future that I fear, the things fear do to people, the ways people may react to me... because experience tells me that's what they will do.
I am on an Antidepressant because the past I live with is too big a burden to carry alone. It tore at me with the current situation at hand until I was so far into depression... so yes.
The past doesn't scare me. Only facing it alone. When your facing the past with others and can trust them, your not standing in a lonely and isolated past anymore... now are you. The future is also a better prospect when instead of walking it alone your walking with others towards the same unknown.
I take antidepressants because they were a last resort.
I am not afraid of my past.
I lived it, got through it once and re live it every fucking day with flashbacks.
It is either face it or be overcome by it.
I face it.
I have had this PS in my head all damned day.
Be Blessed(no this isn't wrong way-its a way I say it so as not to alienate my friends of different beliefs-it seems people are more comfortable with this version)
-Luna
