All around the world

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/10191983/Our-child-protection-system-is-an-international-scandal.html

So it is like this everywhere.

When looking for a safe place to live, a safe place away from this so called 'child protective services', a safe place for the sanctity of family, where unabused children are left with their families, with their parents.... i find this.

...

At least they(the political officials) are more honest about it than American officials, however it is the same here as it is their. They do the same things here and get away with it. All too often the judges are in the same spot as the 'court appointee'. Honesty is only the first step.

Exact situations, types of situations... fact of life. child protective services is destroying families all over the world and fact of life, people run to avoid them. They are the ultimate terrorists.

Unfortunately because it is the one thing no one with any power wants to face, the only resolution to this issue to to completely freeze all 'child protective services' activities, then put them into motion for returning home the children they have in custody, then disband them entirely. They do no good, only harm wrapped up in pretty words made to SOUND like they do something good. They have no success stories, only children and adults they have hurt. As time goes on, they only keep getting worse, in all countries.

Sometimes i fantasize about creating a country for me and others like me, where child protective services and anything that violates the sanctity of family, is illegal. Oh child abuse would be illegal too... but their would be a different way of handling it, without ways of taking said children from their families. More like. 'turn a blind eye as someone beats the shit out of someone who beat the shit out of their child'<--- and many people have noticed a specific lack in child abuse in such areas where child abusers have been dealt with in such ways, and no children had to be removed from their homes for such purpose. At this point, its child trafficking. Nothing more, nothing less. Child protective services protects no child. They merely parade around as if they do then paint themselves as saints. They are the ultimate evil in this world.

I will never feel safe any place they exist and therefore, operate.

I will never feel safe as long as CPS, another name for them being 'child protective services' or 'social services' depending on where you live or simply who you talk to... wherever they are i will always feel unsafe, and have always felt such ever since they had me in their clutches as a child.

Even when you are 'free' from them and back home, you never stop looking over your shoulder. They never cease being a reason for this looking over your shoulder to be necessarily and will come after your children sooner or later, because once they have you, they never truly let you go.  That is, the general overall experience. If you are not rich enough to afford the insane rates(a fortune) of even one the few attorneys who will go against cps in court let alone one of the ones who will go against cps defending you and your family with everything they can muster, then your rich. You have to be loaded, majorly. The only way to truly fight them, is to outlaw them. A truth nobody in any position of power wants to face. Even as cps has supposedly been outlawed by the governor of Arizona, they still operate. They have not disbanded and still continue as they always have. They actually seem to do so with more zeal to be honest, ensured that the judges and lawyers in their pockets will forever defend them and their heinous actions against parents and children alike. Children in the system go through varying sorts of abuse. It is rare for me to say this however, i know people who have had it worlds worse than me and lived. Fact of the matter is, i should have died from what they did to me, many children do. My beloved, was on even more crap, enough to fill a grocery bag... if anyone should have died, was more likely to die, it would have been him. Both me and someone else i know, when we bring up to a doctor how much we were on while in state care(in his case he was admitted for his religion by his father-state care of a different kind, but still the same care cps embraces tossing you and your children carelessly to)... both me and him had similar amounts, mine only a few bottles more than his. Both of us should have died, livers should have failed, should have at the very least become comatose or our bodies shut down. Worse cases exist, its just that, most 'worse' cases don't survive, let alone as much as my beloved was on. He went through hell, had to re learn how to speak as a child because of it, after he was taken off of it. Then, he still had to traverse life in the abusive home he was put into.

Gene is the best of the worst case scenarios, and knowing this i must live every day knowing my children are in this system, because some idiot called pretending to be something they weren't and some worker not even investigating took my children on a claim not of child abuse but that i though my cat could turn into a human being. Even though i never thought this, someone decided to act as such. In America this is made worse as foster and adoptive families alike receive money for these children, it is never about the children. No matter how wrong it was, people just stood to the side as if it just wasn't real to them. As if it could not be, because it is to heinous to believe. It is however, the truth and nothing else other than the truth.

That is life in the system. they leach off of the governments and tax dollars, paint it as if they are the saviors and everyone else is eternally abusive or WILL be abusive, paint you as a whore if your a woman or 'lacking a womans' touch' in all its variable ways of saying it if your a man. They utterly and mercilessly destroy you and everything you love, everyone you hold dear. The only way to truly root all this crap out is to destroy them, and never recreate them again. 

-Luna

Of truth and guns and government and fear

It seems like just yesterday that if something happened to you that should not ever happen, and a government agency was behind it people either got thrown into a mental health facility or with a gag order on you, or you would just ‘disappear’ and nobody would be the wiser as to why and if they were, they either kept quiet or met the same type of ends. Oh how one man’s courage to stand up shaped our present. People are so much more aware and such agencies can no longer rely on the ‘nobody will believe you even if you tell them’ tactics. Some agencies still get away with it however things are changing and a lot of people have been pushing for these changes for a long time. Snowden is a true American hero to the people though apparently the government wants his head on a silver platter. I won’t boor you with these things however, this is not the purpose. It simply came up as years ago a shop that was raided in the type of situation one gun shop was recently raided under wouldn’t even be able to speak up and in fact would be called liars right off the bat without anyone looking closer at it. So this is where I say, I just want to say a thank you to snowden for giving people the courage to speak out when something happens.

 May America one day be what it was founded to be, for the people by the people and if not, I hope the fallout of our nations collapse doesn’t do too much damage to the world economy because unless things shape up, we go one of two ways. Our government will plummet like so many of the ancients and we will all as Rome and so many other ancients civilizations did, or we will crash and burn after our government pisses the entire world off which id say its safe to say many countries, the only reason we don’t have all out war is most likely the same reason people in other countries now say things like ‘we love you, but not your government’, when once they did say ‘we hate America’. Truth is, we got painted as pretty differently than we really are, and our government kinda forgot what they do effected how others saw us as a whole. If you go way back id have to say props to whoever invented the internet and props to those who work so hard to keep the information super highway open and uncensored, because in perfect honesty, it makes it easier for us to spread news and events and harder for our government to lie if you learn where and how to search up stuff. Even when mainstream media fails us, the internet is a place where you can find blogs and first hand renditions, ways for your voice to be heard and other people raising theirs as well. Hell, without such a thing the fact many officials who enforce the law in some states are now required to wear recording devices, wouldn’t have been made possible without the whistle-blowers, the people who stood up and said something. I salute the whistle blowers, my utmost respect to you for your bravery, and your integrity.

That being said, a shop was recently raided. This shop sold gun parts and from what ive been able to glean thus far guns. Despite a restraining order that was supposed to protect the customers of the store, they also took the customer lists as well. Some links to the stories written can be found here: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/03/19/feds-seize-customer-list-from-california-gun-parts-store-in-atf-raid/

And Here:

http://www.bizpacreview.com/2014/03/16/atf-raids-gun-store-despite-restraining-order-protecting-customer-list-106684

However this is not the FIRST time there has been such issues and I doubt it will be the last unless something is done. Back in last year there was another incident, one that was much more low key, in which a store that sold guns had their license revoked and their establishment raided after someone had stolen a gun. They were not aware of the investigation nor were they aware of the eleven guns stolen previously by the same person(I will point out, it took him a year to steal eleven guns from them so it can’t be the worst place security wise, had they been made aware it could have been stopped and handled without all the messy power arming the feds did to them). They were further targeted Because ONE of the guns used in a shooting perpetrated by a gun collectors teenager who enacted the sandy hook shooting, was bought at this particular gun shop. I do feel the need to point out, the woman spent years collecting guns and the boy could have grabbed any one of them, and it was not the gun shops responsibility what the woman that the woman didn’t keep her guns safely locked up when she knew her son was a risk and it wasn’t their responsibility to know what they weren’t told or required to ask when they were not even aware of any issue either with the gun thief or with the parent who bought the guns and didn’t keep them properly locked up. It was not said if client lists were taken however I would assume so as they pinpointed who bought what guns so well. I know there are other ways but that was kind of tossed in as an afterthought.  A link to the story as written as an article can be found Here: www.wfsb.com/story/20497633/sources-gun-store-had-federal-firearms-license-pulled-after-raid

Similar issues have arisen in the past as well, recent past has it more frequent at an alarming rate. Vets have had their guns ‘confiscated” which is just a fancy way to make the fact they were stolen under color of the ‘law’ sound better.  There has been great pressure to unarm individuals as well as shut down distributors. One of the reasons I asked a friend of mine who likes to shoot at the range what he would do if he was disarmed. I know what’s coming, always have. Just way back then, nobody listened to me. I watched friends destroy themselves in a war they didn’t believe in the cause of simply because they were mislead to make the enlisting ‘willing’ or at least make them feel like it. Can you really call it willing if they were lied to? I wonder, it’s a big reason I made my little brother promise to wait six months during ‘the war on terror’, before he joined. My brother isn’t a complete idiot, and by then he had looked close enough at the facts the shine of the lie wore off and revealed the ugly truth. I have a problem with my little brother dying for a cause he doesn’t even believe in. I knew it would kill him inside just like it did to a dear friend of mine who didn’t listen and got caught up in all the propaganda.

There is an old saying I like, which ironically I found in a song that I now like as well. My mother used to say it, and she once told me my dad had said it as well, and she kinda just never forgot it. “If you’re gonna start a war, you better know what you’re fighting for” For those of you who are a lil disheartened by the evils being spoke of I want you to know, if snowden hadn’t spoken up like he did, a lot of things would still be kept under the rug and would still happen while your perceptions and your impressions of things were knowingly being exploited to hide such horrors right under your nose, all snowden did was tell you the truth that has terrifyingly enough, been under our noses for a very long time and did so in such a way that his voice could not be silenced and I salute him with the deepest respect, and I salute those who came before him and who were silenced in one way or another, those who spoke out knowing even just the chance of being heard was worth it. Those are America’s hero’s, not to disrespect my parents who served or anyone else who served in the armed forces but this takes a lot more balls to step forward with. They have neither the training nor the comrades to back them up and stand with side by side so in all honesty, I think they are even braver than my parents who served were and that is honestly saying a lot since I hold nothing but respect and love for my parents and am in fact very proud of them both. I will forever miss them no matter how much time passes or has passed since they died. I just have to admit, it takes a lot more balls and a lot more nerve to stand up when you know what will happen to you. Snowden not only stood up and said it but left his fiancé and his family behind and all he knew, just to make sure word got out as much as possible, knowing the chances of him being caught were likely and not ending up caught was next to impossible. I salute him with the utmost respect. If I could have served, I would have served proudly next to a man of honor even the in face of so much to lose, who would stand up for what was right even knowing what was to happen to him if he was found out. Snowden, is what it means to be an American, and the kind of person who gives you hope that it can be done. I think that’s the biggest reason our government wants to get a hold of him to be honest. He reminded people it could be done, reminded people what it means to be an American as our founding fathers meant it to be. 

The wall of silence that hides so much pain and sorrow built on so much bigotry and manipulation and propaganda and… its slowly but surely breaking and bending, as people are reminded it can happen and it has, the illusion is broken. We don’t have to accept it, we can do something about it. I think that is something people forgot. I mean when you talk about politicians lying for instance, people just accept it but they still vote for someone they know lied simply because ‘all politicians lie’… but we don’t have to accept things like that. We CAN stand for what we the people want and if we really want it, an honest leader who doesn’t hide things from us and puts us first, is one of those things. We don’t have to accept people who lack in integrity and it is possible for those with it to make it, and snowmen has shown us this, which is why our government does whatever they can to make him look bad. Personally if the worst thing you can tell me is that his fiancé is a stripper well… ok. Personally that’s her job, she is just dancing on a stage in a thong(top or no top doesn’t matter, the profession is a solely adult entertainment genre for a reason). Not really something you could take the children to see but I fail to see how that makes either of them horrible people.  Ive definitely heard worse about the people who sit in positions of power in this country, such as stealing, drunk driving, accusations of rape and other such occurrences so in reality, the fact his fiancé parades around half naked on stage for other peoples entertainment really doesn’t concern me. That is her business, not mine and certainly not that of the rest of the country. If that is the only thing someone can focus on then they are just being led by the nose to be distracted from the all too important facts that have absolutely nothing to do with the personal life of snowden or his fiancé. Either way, I hope she is proud of him, because that definitely took a lot of guts. When I heard about that it was the first time in a long time I actually felt any sort of pride in anything even remotely to do with my country, mostly because I know too much having grown up hearing about things from my elders I shouldn’t have really been privy to but was and was smart enough to not go around talking to everyone about. As a child, there are just some things you feel in the way the adults act and whisper or the way they act when finding you standing there as if they had been burned just by speaking about such things and were scared to death that you heard… about things like that. Children aren’t exactly given enough credit for just how perceptive they can be. They don’t understand it the same way an adult does, however that doesn’t mean they don’t understand it at all. 

If anyone has any information they would like to add, let me know and I will make sure to cross reference and insert facts as well as links so others who read it can clearly know places they too can find the same things. I did this in more of a rush than I usually do so if you know of any references I didn’t use, please let me know so I can add them promptly for a more complete and solid honest truth that can’t so easily be brushed off. We the people who have been victimized under color of the law in situations that should never happen will be heard. Someday, may the truth take flight freely and openly as the eagle that once flew freely in our skies once so open. 

-Luna 

My letter to President Obama

I realize you probably get a lot of letters like this since i know wreather they get them or not, many governors and such are also swamped with such, so i figured id be a lil different and not re write it. First off Mr president, http://trueluna.blogspot.com/2014/03/despite-recent-efforts-of-governor-jan.html, just in case your interested though id be careful. lol It tends to be the truth in anything, not just politics and government, though i avoid military knowing just how many secrets i could be in big trouble for saying(besides most of them from that long ago when my parents served is out anyway though i know some things have been around longer since my grandfather was aware of them when he served... but that is the only thing i don't talk about in this blog, i do have a more extensive blog but its more remote and less likely to be looked at, its on my artists profile on deviantart and i label it all as personal and it all to often is).

So, since i get very tired of repeating myself, i decided to try and make what i said in the recent survey, known specifically to you mister president.

First off, i am a writer and an artist. When I have a job Ive often worked on the phones. I am disabled physically and have PTSD.

Female, Caucasian but mixed(this gets annoying since i am mixed and not all with just white heritage but since i look white... discrimination doesn't just go to those of color but sometimes from them as well to people who are not). I am an American, was born on the east coast, on the naval base my mother served on at that point in her pregnancy. My mother was also born here, in Pennsylvanian actually and her parents and so on and so forth. I am still considered a young American though i haven't felt it for a long time. I support gay rights and am considered LGBT.

Family and juvenile courts need a massive overhaul the likes of which are much bigger than the one we had back in the seventies. I will put what i wrote in that comment box in quotation marks.

"Family courts, juvenile courts, etc etc are a nightmare that don't care about the truth.

It should be enforced that those who fail the burden of proof and attack families for frivolous and often petty reasons that have nothing to do at all with their goddamned parenting... are met with justice... because as things are they are unpunished and all too often win, with little to no evidence at all because those courts have no juries, only one person who can be bribed or played for their own personal bias's.

Families are all too often ripped apart. We need juries in these courts, justice should never be left up to only one person. Many can see what one alone cannot.

This effects me, i lost my children on some ridiculous claim that i thought my cat was a person, nothing about my actual parenting and no burden of proof was enforced. At the end their was conflicting testimony and my parental rights were severed only on the grounds that the person cps hired testified contrary to every doctor id ever had, and evidence was knowingly kept out of court and away from the judge to begin with. Letters from my doctors who had evaluated me. My rights were not taken because i hurt them or abused them in any way, but because of some wild claims about my sanity and them saying that though i had not, i was doomed to in the future their exhibit a that i was abused myself as a child and by the ex husband i left because he was abusive and i didn't want my children to live like that. it should not be so easy for them to rip families apart and forcefully give your children to someone else. My story and those like it are more common than you may think. It seems i am constantly talking sense into people so angry at anything and everyone in the system telling them to calm down and make their voices heard because if they sound as crazy as the situation itself is, they will only be brushed off. Ive seen it happen and lived it. they make you feel crazy and pull so much abuse verbally and mentally out on you it isn't even funny. I have PTSD and i don't find it at all amusing they used my past to torment me any chance they got during the entire time. They do this to a lot of people."

My next one was Tax Policy. Also in quotes.

"People are taxed over half of their income when they work. It is literally more fiscally doable to live on welfare because people are taxed so much. I think federally it is forgotten people pay two sets of tax's.

In all honesty, if people weren't taxed so much and some limits were set, even minimum wage as it is would be something people could actually live off of. It was a living wage before a combination of taxes and several shortages and crisis's in the different markets and trades overseas took effect on prices in grocery stores and whatnot. State taxes are very high in Arizona, and you can lose majority of your wages to taxes. most people on welfare who have jobs would not be on welfare if they weren't being taxed so badly.

Also.. a law that puts things like the wages of politicians up for an actual vote from we the people might help this as well as we are all well aware a rather large chunk of the money taken from people with those taxes go to the insanely high priced vacations of the president and his family and other politicians and their ridiculously high living as well. This country is supposed to be rules by the people, not a bunch of assholes with too much power.

the presidents policies... i am well acquainted with them and keep up on that crap... i just see where this is going and don't agree with how he goes about it. i wonder if he even understands just how much the way things are, creates its own problems. people have quit their jobs to get better insurance and something to live on, the help they need... this will not cease and it needs to change so that people can live off of what they earn in a paying job.

The president is out of touch with a lot of things on his own soil with every day people and those who preside over him in the public relations don't make it easy for anyone to reach him with issues that he would not like to hear or that they think he would not like to hear. Beyond that i find that things such as Washington post changing articles they have already posted up online to be unimpressive to me. People should not have to re word the truth just because the president doesn't like it being said. That is not freedom nor is it what this country was founded on."

I won't bore you with the bubbles i picked and you can probably guess... and im sure it will be obvious at least in part with the rest of it.

Where i get my news:

"News, research, many sources so i can double check their accuracy and be informed thoroughly"

Skipping the bubbles, im sure if you want to see those you can just ask someone to find it for you anyway. lol

What i want to see in white-house email communications: "The truth unaltered and stated plainly and wholly and not playing the blame game.

I mean... everyone knows what to expect now. No matter who agrees or disagrees with the president he somehow finds a way to blame republicans... i hate to say it but... your all pissing me off. conservatives are people who believe in less government control over individual peoples and i am unimpressed with those who dare call themselves republicans or conservatives at all but dont follow that at all or do so selectively. It simply means we don't believe things like marriage, abortion, and the many ridiculous laws about things such as what people can and cannot do between willing adults in a bedroom... are the governments concern to begin with. If people need help because some doctor is abusing his power and hurting them using those then ok... thats protecting the rights of the people... but... how things are just makes me sick. We have a liberal president that is so liberal it bothers most liberals. -.- i don't think he yet realizes just how many times his own party has voted majority against him. Instead its always republicans fault as far as the white house tells it. Geez... look at the facts and figures, the paperwork the records... etc etc etc... people don't trust obama because he has shown he cannot be trusted. i dont' want smoke blown up my ass, i want the truth, i want awareness and for him to fix what he has done and fix the damage and to take responsibility and actually be a good example to his own children and to others who need it... not sweep it under the rug like he does. His daughters and so many others will follow his example no matter how horrible it is set."

'What would you like to see less of in White House email communications?' Oh your most likely not going to like this one but i hope you take it to heart and do better anyway.

"-.- treating people in the white house like celebrities. I don't care what the first lady wears and in fact few people do, its just not our concern. If she wears a brand new Prada suite or something from goodwill nobody freaking cares. well accept those who want to make her more of a fashion icon to follow... but that isn't supposed to be her or the white-houses concern. the first family is supposed to set an example, starting from the president and his wife on down, not be fashion symbols or fiscally irresponsible etc etc etc."

main reason for coming to the white house web site: i picked other.
"various, though ive never sent something to the president though i think i will, probably this just to make sure it reaches him." in truth i never knew you could send something online. and i never sent any of the rather nasty letters i wrote to vent about the blindness to the normal every day people that goes on in the political arena with far more than you mister president. I would be... probably paranoid investigated and my life made even more hell than it has been despite being a non combatant and loathing violence.

What i want to see more of on the website: "Honesty, one thing i will never respect is a lie or any sort. You make a mistake and you admit it and you fix it. End of story. I don't know about the president but that is how i was raised and i cannot respect people who do not do so."

What i want to see less of: "propaganda. If the truth doesn't entice people, do better but don't dress it up instead. Doesn't change the truth of the matter and really is closer to a lie than the truth you could say."

Anything else i wanted to add is as follows: "Yeah, learn how to be honest. If its one thing i cannot stand above all else in life its how lies and purposefully misleading people is such a large part of life in america anymore.

Oh my godess the president is so out of touch with we the people as is obviously his wife. Some people just need to learn that just because they can, doesn't mean they should. I am deeply regretful that i helped vote Obama in the first time. Needless to say, because of my standards their are very few people in the political arena that i respect. Before the president got all drunk off of power, he used to be one of them."

My grandmother will be rolling in her grave but i have never cared how high someone is in society or how low, i will speak to you as you show you are deserved by actions and how you treat others and the way a person lives regardless. She always hated that though my mother was always very proud of it though when i was little she used to say it would be a bane to many bad people one day and i should be careful of said people as they had no honor and didn't care to do anything but shut up the truth when they didn't like what it was. So mr president, i am speaking to you quite frankly, honestly, and as if you were a normal every day person accept in one aspect i know you are the president.

I am not the only one who voted the first time because of your integrity and being more in touch with the people but then... didn't the second time for the reasons i have. So... i mean... i hope this helps either you be a better president or i dunno... just something. anything. I still want the changes i wanted when i was eighteen and voted your ass in that office to begin with. I still want mental health reform to protect the patients and enforce the laws about cruelty from mental health workers and whatnot, i still want stricter policy against rapists and murderers and others who prove to be dangers to others, i still want the constitutions protected and i still want cps to be wiped off the face of this planet. they ruined whatever they touched when i was a child, hurt and did not help. They either take a stressful situation that is not abusive and make it so, or they take a bad situation and make it worse... that is one thing that seriously needs to change along with a hella lot of other things. I am one of many who remembers the change you promised the first time but also remembers we got to live and see more of the same. Back then... people heard you if only because we were sick of being ignored and having smoke blown up our asses. We just want america to truly and honestly be for the people, by the people and not for the politicians manipulated by the politicians serving only those who take power over others under color of the law and by force.

Please never forget that and don't mislead or lie. Most of us, were thinking things like that... not what you have done. If you ever run for anything again be more specific. You have no idea how many people overestimated your understanding of the situations every day lower and middle class earning families all too often live with.

------------------

the site said my letter was too long so i posted it here, and will just send him the link this post. I really just don't want to re write it. i have dishes to do, base boards to wash, and other things to still do today. I really don't want to spend more time on someone who lost my respect a long time ago.

-Luna

CPS In Arizona

    Despite the recent efforts of Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona, CPS it seems continues on in a business as usual kind of feel. It shows in the ways we as birth parents, as children ourselves, and those closest to the victims have often been all too aware of.

     Recently a baby was taken from the hospital only because the woman wanted to finish their recovery at home a day early. It is not unsafe for such things and was easily doable and in fact the doctors and nurses were not being consistent with her which was why. She didn't wish to be lied to, told one thing by a nurse and another by the doctor, so for her own sanity and for the safety of her baby she made that decision. CPS, did not do any form of "proper" investigation, they merely used the grounds that her family used cps against her previously when she was a teenager though she had not abused her son either and her son was taken from her by force from her. Her own parents have since kept her from her son and adopted him and kept her away from even family events to purposefully use her emotional connection with the child she gave birth to preciously, against her to harm her and out of fear he too would feel the maternal bond with the woman who is their own daughter. Back in her teens they even convinced her she herself was actually mentally ill way back then, that is was happening because she wasn't good enough to be her sons mother and convinced her of a mental illness that would cause her or or son harm even though she herself had never been like that, not then and not ever. While she knows now she is not, that does not help her or her son now, and she is only trying to protect her daughter from the same fate as her son and as herself. The woman herself is much like myself in an aspect that she has ptsd, and has experienced the worst of the system and so... did not wish to sit between medical professionals who were not acting with integrity.

    They took her baby.

     Despite what many may think, this is business as usual for cps. Their is rarely any investigation if any at all. In my own case they had files from when i was eighteen, things that for whatever reason went missing completely from my actual mental health records otherwise(which brought me to question and i still do, how they had them) but they had nothing recent to the time, i was twenty two when they ripped me and my children apart saying mental illness, saying i could not do things they weren't saying i wasn't doing but in fact they were full of double talk and anything but straight answers because straight answers from them become lies and apparently nobody in that cesspool of an organization actually wants to ball faced straight up lie, instead they make general comments with no elaboration in which they use your own psyche, the human tendency to make assumptions, as their weapon. I was told so many times by anyone who saw the paperwork my case was bullshit and anyone worth anything could see it, could see they were ball faced lying to the judge and they even had evidence in their own paperwork of their own lies because not only did they lie but they were sloppy about it. In my case... four years is a long time to ignore and four years ago is in no way shape or form recent. I do however wonder how someone got a hold of paperwork Ive been asked about since when looking into my records mental health professionals who deal with that have told me their are no records for certain times in my life. None at all. But i know their were, not only because cps brought them up but because i had a case manager back then who actually talked to me and listened, about my past, about my present, about my dreams... someone who actually cared. She is now a program coordinator with Tetra Services. I wonder though... why that paperwork? Why when i was eighteen? Why can't they find a crap load of paperwork between eighteen and nineteen but cps somehow had it? And why did they have paperwork from back then but not from the years recent?

   I personally think, the daughter i miscarried back then when i was eighteen, Amee', was probably luckier than me. I know it all too well, i didn't even have a child but id been in the system all my life... the moment they knew i was pregnant they were coming after me. They were planning, some worker i think had probably pulled it back then. Its really all i can think of since their was no recent pulls on my records when i put in to see who had pulled my records for that past year, cps hadn't requested my records since i was eighteen though they said in court they had. That is what i suspect after seeing the paperwork myself, planning to rip me and my daughter apart even before she was born. Purhaps it was mercy for her, that she died before she could be. It is perhaps selfish that i still mourn her. I have miscarried every girl i have ever become pregnant with, for reasons i do not know and no doctor has looked into.

    The reason they gave if you pay attention to what is said in detail...Not because i was abusive or anything... but because they could. Happens to a lot of people. Most either learn not to have children young and wait years or they simply drop off the grid to escape, because they have seen from the helpless perspective of a child the system doesn't help but hurts deeply and they don't want that for their children, nor do they wish for the heartache of a heartbroken parent. If they can or they know, they run.

    In this woman's case recently however... in many ways she is like me. She has postramatic stress from doctors abusing authority, people not telling her what was going on and so things hit her from left field... her parents worked very hard to make her out to be as crazy as possible to believe she herself was in fact crazy... they also told her point blank her son was never hers, he was theirs, and they wanted her to have another baby so her sister wouldn't have to ruin her figure with child bearing.

    This woman... is just a regular woman who has been through hell. That is all she is. That should never be an excuse to put a person through more hell and she is more than capable of choosing what kind of parent and what kind of human being she will be, knows her family was wrong and has no wish to become them. Quite the opposite actually.

    These are not abusive parents, just the children all grown up that cps either victimized as a child by ignoring their plight or by putting them in an abusive situation to begin with and making them vulnerable.

    This is the truly monstrous nature of them, they don't go after the children being beaten, they go after the children of people who were abused themselves, no matter what kind of parents they themselves are and this... it is not in any way shape or form right.

    My own children were not abused, cps never said anything specific accept a very general claim. They were not starved, not beaten or otherwise harmed, not unclothed and in fact had plenty of cloths and toys as well and my oldest had already made friends with the boy next door his own age and his brother was showing signs of starting to as well as he reached that developmental point. Both boys were healthy, had regular medical care... they never said i hurt them. They never said that at all. They just said neglect and made general statements that they knew would be taken as if i had by someone who didn't look at the paperwork closer. They also said that because i was abused, i was doomed to abuse them. Rather than go after actual abusers, they instead chase phantoms of their own making.

    That is the truth of cps, and why i hate them. They stole my time with my mother and my brother, ripped apart our lives, acted like they did nothing wrong even when they said and did horrible things that were both illegal and abusive. Then they came after me as an adult, and took my children saying that i would always be abused and would always expose my children to abuse and would thus become abusive in this way. They made wild claims about my mental health and no matter how many notes i got from my presiding doctors over my mental health otherwise, insisted i had the most wild issues, despite professional opinion otherwise. in court, only the doctor they hired to say what they wanted was heard, and when the submitted letters from doctors were brought up, and their not being submitted to court, they excused them lightly to the judge as if it didn't matter. They knew those would hurt their case and left them out on purpose. More than just one doctor said those things. Those letters, came from more than one. They only care about what they can get away with doing, not about the children and certainly not about helping anyone.

    This woman that this has just happened to recently... her baby should be returned to her but just as my lawyer should have listened to me and filed a retrial on the grounds that they did not disclose all the evidence, instead she filed an appeal. Let me just be blunt, if a lawyer who knows justice was not done knows these things and doesn't act appropriately and only files an appeal then guess what. He or she is not doing their job the way they should be, they are simply making things easier for cps as new evidence cannot be submitted in an appeal like it can be in a retrial. If they refuse, they are standing in the way of justice, not representing you... just enabling a horrible evil.

     So... the same old excuses and the same old crimes as per usual.

    Makes me wonder if our governor actually is going to do anything about them at all. I mean... if they weren't so intent on the children not being abused, maybe they might actually help the ones who are. They are so busy victimizing people out of fear and prejudiced that the children they might have helped die or suffer life long injuries. In their own care, as they spend so much time chasing phantoms of their own making and not protecting the children already under state custody, children also die and life long injuries inflicted upon them.

    CPS is an affliction, not a medicine. It is a sickness in all forms, not a solution. More often than not, cps itself is the cause all on its own.

    So... I have to admit... i hate them and if they burned down i would celebrate with every other person they have hurt. after worrying about finding my own children since they ball faced lied about my children and their placement together as well. They ball faced lie about a lot but... well my lawyer should have listened to me when i brought up the concern that no where in the paperwork had cps ever divulged anything about the contact information or even the names of the people my children were supposedly placed with, just talked out of their ass about it. She dismissed it but... i already knew how important what they didn't say actually was, a lie of omission. Purposefully misreading and thinking "misleading" is any less than a ball faced lie. Somewhere deep down in their dark blackened hearts they actually have a tiny bit of guilt i like to think anyway... either way, i think they burned their own goodness away with their own evils... if ever they find it, it won't be as they are now. Not as CPS. This needs more work than i think even our governor can possibly imagine but... many of us can, because we have lived it so... we need to raise our voices and make sure she can hear us, for our own children's futures. so they don't go after them next when they grow up.


    I wish for it to be different but if many of us do not fight and keep fighting i fear it will only keep happening over and over again as it has for many years already.

All too often, the law fails us all.



-Luna 

A letter for them to read one day

Rowan, Rohan, If you ever grow up and read this... please hear me. I am still fighting. please forgive me for not winning and for not being able to protect you from the corruption that dares call itself lawful. Please understand I love you will all my heart.

None of this ever should have happened but it did and I will never give up on you. Not for all the stars in the sky or all the money in the world. 

I am still fighting. I can't sleep because im still looking for ways and still fighting.

I have a lawyer who has not called me back since telling me she filed the appeal a couple months after filing it... i have no idea as of current what is even going on. I suspect that like so many others they are trying to drop me through the cracks because if someone actually fought helping me we would win, its really that messed up and backwards of a case. If someone actually did what they could do, we would never even be in appeals. But we are and ive no idea my sweet little boys, when if ill ever even see you again and I feel as if i will go mad with worry about you and not knowing if your dead, alive, hurt, or anything at all. The people who have you, it was said in court by the worker to the judge on the record that they agreed to keep in contact with me and let me know how you were doing, maybe even let me see you as the worker testified just cutting contact would be harmful to us all, not just me but to you as well. They lied of course, though im not sure if it was the worker to soften what they were doing to the judge and make her feel better about being a monster who knew the law wasn't and hadn't been followed the way it should have been or feel better about not enforcing the burden of proof better than one doctor who talked to me over a year before court saying i couldn't bond while many people even those ripping us apart were saying we were bonded both sides, meaning it wasn't just you but me too who was bonded, very much so.

I may never be able to explain to you, how people can do such things, but i can tell you that not for one second did i ever give up, did i ever not love you, did i ever not do everything for you. They gave me things to do that seemed impossible, i did them and more. I never slacked off on any of it. I want you to know, even now i am searching for a way, fighting tooth and nail.

I love you, my dearest little suns, moons and stars.

-Your mother

Because lies in anything annoy me

So i was looking things up about how to help adjustments with girth... yes this is about sex, for once. 

Can you hurt a woman with your girth and can you help her adjust?

Yes.

Some women take a lil more time to adjust than others.

Beyond lubrication their are many finger techniques out their to help her adjust.

Even after a year with my dearest i still end up needing help. Just because a woman has had children or has can have children doesn't mean its not difficult for her sometimes. geez... childbirth isn't painless but sex should be unless both make the decision to include pain as they find it pleasurable. I am looking up the finger techniques myself but if i were you id check out tantric excersizes and ways to help her through i dunno... a woman's forum. So far all the male forums are like "my penis is huge all around and I have never had any problems" bullshit. If you have not had issues then your not as big as you think you are.

My partner actually thinks he is small... he isn't. Anyway, try using fingers. If a woman is torn too many times or has been raped as well, she gets scar tissue which actually makes her easier to tear, which is where im looking things up. Some women are just smaller than others physically down their just like how some men are bigger or smaller than others. If you help her adjust, like for instance try this finger technique i found call the scissors, gently of course. it apparently helps make the adjustment much easier for her.

Even if a woman tears easier than others if you do take care of her you can avoid tearing and the fragility some experience from having a lot of scar tissue in their vagina. For those who lack maturity, yes i said vagina. get the laughs out now before you read on because this is serious.
 
Now a couple of things that i have seen from some posts online over time needs to be said. First off, never put your finger or your penis or anything inside her before you get her wet. Get her wet first. Some women have less wetness than others so lubricant is useful in these instances though a lil nibbling and light sucking on her body(neck, back of her knee are examples of what some women are turned on by, you have to learn her individually for no woman is the same). Do not ever put in more than one finger at once, start with one. Unless you have a porn star who likes it that way and tells you they do... just remember a normal woman is not a porn star.

Start with one finger using the scissors motion you would with two only with one finger. Then make her orgasm with this one finger and using other such techniques easily found online. I am a tad bit too embarrassed to list some of them. Doing this will not only help her with her adjustments but also will go where lubricant used from a bottle, cannot go. truth is, their is no lube able to really substitute for the real thing, though i have heard from other ladies some are good with the real thing, though not without it.

Now, after you get her as is, try gently to put the second finger in, if she flinches or it seems too tight back off and keep going. be patient, she will be ready for you even if by this point she may beg for more. be the man and make sure this is a mind blowing experience.

This is just the basics.

Once you can get two fingers in, do it all over again with those two fingers. Moving your fingers gently like scissors, but be careful. at first it will be tight and you won't be able to do as much with the movement. even the slightest movement like that will help and she will feel it.

...

Many women nowadays are used to being objectified and expected to have sex with someone just because they are dating them. Many things come from being raped, and the rape ratio is high, higher if you actually talk amongst women as a woman who has been raped. Most women don't want to be part of the numbers or don't want to talk about it or hear someones pitty when they answer or they might have someone near them they want to hide that shame from because they feel it makes them less of a woman.

No matter what the situation, be aware that their are many ways to lessen the pains of sex. If sex is uncomfortable or painful, their are more ways to make it otherwise than lubricant and all of them require you to man up, or if your lesbian... woman up. lol these same techniques can also be ways to hit more than one of those "spots" at once on some women, depending on the woman.

I saw how difficult it was to find something like this so i decided to just put it out their.

Just because a woman's vagina can stretch to have children doesn't mean its ok to just expect it to just... stretch around you and expect her to just put up with pain and discomfort because you can't be patient and take the time to make it a pleasurable experience for her. In case it was forgotten, having children and stretching to have them, is very very painful, not at all what sex should be unless she decides she likes it like that. few do like some pain and rarely that kind of pain. Makes sense since we have more nerves in our cloiterus than a man does in his entire penis.  Just jumping in is painful for a woman, so any time you think about it just imagine someone kicking you in the nuts(unless your like a friend of mine and like that sort of thing, in which case imagine your equivilant to that).

When you stretch her you also can give her more intense orgasms as well. Still snug around you but also not so stretched her ability to clench you in orgasm is choked for lack of a better word, with you inside of her. And according to my beloved it is one thing your not just robbing her of, but yourself as well.

Some women don't know about these things, I didn't.

The same as always apply... apply. If she at any point says for you to stop, you stop. If she says no more, it means no more. If you force her, then it will become rape so always stop because that will scar her for life and it will only tell her that she cannot trust you for you cannot even protect her from yourself so what will you do if someone else tries to hurt her? it brings about a whole slew of problems and emotional grief for her... so just don't.

Well... someone had to say it.

-Luna 

To my children, in hopes one day my words and my love may reach them

Dear Rowan and Rohan,

My dear sweat boys, I love you with all my heart. 

I hope that one day when you can read this; you find it in good health having been safe. I fear the worst but I do my best not to or to at least try not to think about it. Perhaps one day, you will know that isn’t possible and why. It is part of being your mother. 

I love you with all my heart and no matter what anyone may or may not tell you, I did everything that was asked of me and more. Sometimes good doesn’t win and people who do what they should, lose. I learned this young and I hope with all my heart this is the last time this lesson ever touches your life. 

I wanted to raise you not knowing that good people could lose against bad people but… I also wanted to raise you to live with integrity and honor as my mother did me. 

I love you, with all my heart. 

I have decided to write to you, and put it where I know there is the hope you will one day get it. Many people, have had things sent or left in the care of others for their children who are taken like you were, and like the people who have you as I’m writing this, they don’t like to be reminded you have a family and aren’t orphans. I myself am not sure why but, sometimes people are like that, and yes, it does hurt other people but… sometimes people can be very selfish. I hope with all my heart, you find the road that is hardest to tread but the most good to walk. Doing what it right, what is good, is not always the right thing, in fact I find it almost never is easy at all. Please, I hope you will know these lessons well and live to be honorable people who know the value of life and of family.

To my mother, family was everything, her children above the rest. To me, it is the same. Not because it was for her, but because this is what I feel inside my heart. Perhaps one day, you will have children of your own and know this feeling. It is a great hope that what has happened to us now, does not befall you as adults with children of your own, as it did with me. I was one of those children who grew up and looked for answers. The system is far from perfect and hurts a lot of innocent people, men, women, and children just like you are now and like I was then. 

I do not post anything publicly to as this one lady told me the judge would take it as if it ever got to them “exploit”.. how its exploitation I haven’t got the foggiest idea since people who speak up pay a price far too high, to give their children even the faintest hope of knowing the truth one day. I don’t know a single person who has ever done it for anything but for that. 

Rowan, I will never forget the first time I held you, any moment we had. I love you. Rowan, you were a loud baby and cried a lot more than most do, however you were also a great joy. The greatest id ever had to up to those moments, and then… how can I explain that I love you both the same? You Rowan tried to run before you could walk, to walk before you could stand, and it always seemed my heart jumped up in my throat several times a day. As you got older, it was more than worth it, you were a big boy with an even bigger heart. I still remember when you tried to “help” me while I was cleaning. You kept on trying not to nap, and I could only get you to when I myself pretended to nap. Truth is, I wanted to spend time with you being a good mother, so I did most of the cleaning when you were napping then again… I have a feeling that caught on at some point. Just like I did as a little girl, you as a little boy, refused to nap and wanted to help.

Rohan, I do not even know how to explain and I want you to know, I love you. Rohan, I will never forget the first time I held you, or any moment we had. I still remember when you and your brother got together and figured out the baby gate. A whole new level of heart attacks. I started putting them up double just to give me the safety of knowing I would without a doubt get to you two before you got the baby gate knocked down, and even if you did, the other one would catch it so you and your brother wouldn’t get hurt. You were much smaller than your brother was, and hardly cried at all. Where your brother was physically stronger and built stalky, you were not. My brother, your uncle is built the same way, so I now understand how our mother felt. I was always afraid you would get hurt trying to copy your brother, much worse than he was. You crawled and walked and then ran. You were a patient baby, something id never seen before in my entire life, and I used to volunteer for years in a church nursery. You started talking before your brother, though, when you and your brother were taken you refused to vocalize. It was so strange for me to hear. You weren’t loud or boisterous like your brother but… you were very chatty.

I want you both Rowan and Rohan to understand, I love you both with all my heart. The good and the bad times, through everything. Through the toughest days to the easiest days, no matter what.

I will never stop fighting, so in this I will impart to you an important lesson. ‘Only when you give up, do you truly lose’. It may take years, but I will see you again. Unfortunately the courts and cps like to delay anything accept severing rights and snatching children. Anything that could possibly reunite a family its like pulling teeth. 

Everything I do every day, I do for you. Even now.

One day, I don’t want you to find yourselves lost finding answers should you ever want them, and I do not want the secrecy to hurt you as it has so many others. I also want, a world in which you will not be a target, a world where we would have been together instead of ripped apart. 

If you do not like something about the world, change it. If someone is hurting someone, stop them. If you can help someone, help them. I hope with all my heart, you learn the valuable lessons my mother taught me.

And if anything ever happens to me, as it often does to people who advocate and keep fighting cps, I want you to know, I love you and to at least have something to find, something left behind for you from me.

I love you more than I can say Rowan, Rohan... for you are both my dear suns moons and stars

Love Mom