Rowan, Rohan, If you ever grow up and read this... please hear me. I am
still fighting. please forgive me for not winning and for not being able
to protect you from the corruption that dares call itself lawful.
Please understand I love you will all my heart.
None of this ever should have happened but it did and I will never give up on you. Not for all the stars in the sky or all the money in the world.
I am still fighting. I can't sleep because im still looking for ways and still fighting.
I have a lawyer who has not called me back since telling me she filed
the appeal a couple months after filing it... i have no idea
as of current what is even going on. I suspect that like so many others
they are trying to drop me through the cracks because if someone
actually fought helping me we would win, its really that messed up and
backwards of a case. If someone actually did what they could do, we
would never even be in appeals. But we are and ive no idea my sweet
little boys, when if ill ever even see you again and I feel as if i will
go mad with worry about you and not knowing if your dead, alive, hurt,
or anything at all. The people who have you, it was said in court by the
worker to the judge on the record that they agreed to keep in contact
with me and let me know how you were doing, maybe even let me see you as
the worker testified just cutting contact would be harmful to us all,
not just me but to you as well. They lied of course, though im not sure
if it was the worker to soften what they were doing to the judge and
make her feel better about being a monster who knew the law wasn't and
hadn't been followed the way it should have been or feel better about
not enforcing the burden of proof better than one doctor who talked to
me over a year before court saying i couldn't bond while many people
even those ripping us apart were saying we were bonded both sides,
meaning it wasn't just you but me too who was bonded, very much so.
I may never be able to explain to you, how people can do such things,
but i can tell you that not for one second did i ever give up, did i
ever not love you, did i ever not do everything for you. They gave me
things to do that seemed impossible, i did them and more. I never
slacked off on any of it. I want you to know, even now i am searching
for a way, fighting tooth and nail.
I love you, my dearest little suns, moons and stars.
-Your mother
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